twenty, two zero

Apparently rock bottom has a basement. Kidding. Rather than go deep about how intense this year has been for me personally, I always try to look back on the better moments in life, like how I should have ordered nachos and one more round of a double tequila that night I sat court side to a playoff game in February. Que the silent cry. I miss sporting events. The photo still boggles my mind. So. Many. People. This year hit different. I mean, it literally smacked us upside down and we had no idea when we we’re ringing it in saying, “YAY, new decade!!” We really meant “new era” —because I like to refer to life before March 13th as the B.C. era. (Before Covid.) Creative no?

Yet, even though I lost work for a period of time, and faced so many personal matters that hit home hard, twenty twenty was still an incredible year to me. I flew more private flights than I thought i’d do in a lifetime, attempted as co-pilot on one, reached status on an airline, jumped out of a plane, went sailing all over the west coast, flew into Telluride and Gunnison for the first time, risked it and went to Napa during the craziest fire season, went to Art with Me & fell in love with Tulum, designed and launched my website, partnered with a medical spa where we launched our own skincare line, became a founding committee member opening our hotel & social club in March, committed myself into a third career in real estate oh, and I turned flirty thirty. #hotgirlshit

I can’t help but think— Life, is what you make of it.
Half full, half empty, whatever. You make the decision every day to fill up the damn cup, or to let it sit still.

Of course it was tough, quarantine, isolation, finding something to cook, again, unloading the dishwasher, aaagain, racing to file for unemployment before the site would crash, asking the “so where and who have you been with?” Covid question— but it was equally a comical year. Success was finding disinfectant wipes or lasagna noodles at the store, eating outdoors but indoor, but yet outdoor in winter because you missed someone asking you “how’s everything?”—when they really meant “how’s your food?”, and awkwardly trying to say hi without giving a hand shake, or hug. Smile with yo eyes. I mean, you have to laugh because you cried way too much in May when you realized they lied and said quarantine was only going to be about a month. Unless you live in Miami because apparently Covid never existed there. I’m joking. Sort of.

Somehow we made it. We lost a lot along the way—our sense of identity, our routine, our favourite late night adventures, and maybe our patience for zoom calls. Do. not. invite me. I politely declineee. But equally, we gained so much this year. We started to check in on people, and learned how to better communicate vulnerably. I mean we reeeeally had to use our words this year because closeness could have been the one thing that would harm someone. Irony. We learned that loneliness is only best when you don’t want to share your french fries. We gained humility no matter who you are and what your job did for you the year before. Some of us became more considerate while some of us could be more considerate. We gained empathy unlike ever before, and an appreciation for every person who has ever touched us (because we miss hugs.)

So this wasn’t all bad. For me personally, it allowed me to stop and smell the roses. I was living life incredibly fast B.C., and after lock down, I bounced right back into my regularly scheduled program. Flight after flight, city after city. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I slept in my own bed for three months straight. It was refreshing. I connected with my parents and loved ones, cleaned out a storage unit full of heartbreak, and I caught up on the things that needed attention in my life. Like unpacking three suitcases because I dread laundry. It was a time of reflection, and realization that I apparently spend a lot of money on sushi and plane tickets. Time to start focusing on passive income Lillienne. I live deeper now, with more intention. I made the best of every moment despite how much nostalgia kept crawling back into my mind. You can be stripped away from life’s social pleasures, international travel, and enjoying a cocktail flirting with the cutie beside you—but you can never be stripped of your attitude in life. My all time favourite quote, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude!” and when you see this perspective, your mindset changes forever.
I went on many walks during that pause and it refreshed my heart. Conversations were really raw and heartfelt this year. Life is sometimes best lived slower. I felt so much more peace enjoying the simple things in life. I invited a handful of close friends for one on one picnics, and realized it was never where you were, but who you were with. I learned that a home is the essential focal point of your life, and when everything is strong there, you feel capable, empowered, and supported. Most importantly, as I have always believed, it could always be worse. I learned how to give more. More empathy, more kindness, more listening. It. can. always. be worse.

What I will take away from this year | Whoever you spend time with, be present. Leave an impact that doesn’t smack like Covid. Take a step back and listen to them. I mean it— really listen. Sometimes people need that. Sometimes it’s not about you. Or well, me. Or you, however you want to see this. Share your vulnerability because more often, people like to relate. I learned that despite my need for perfection in every aspect of my life, I am still human. Struggles come with that package when you’re born. I wish it came with winning lotto numbers but I guess you can’t have it all. It’s ok to share the hard times— to embrace your struggles and trust the process. It’s ok to say, “it’s been tough, I’m not ok. I need a friend. I feel lost.”

Whatever you do, do it because you enjoy it. I started saying no more often this year than ever before. Life became so fragile that I really chose my company wisely. I chose my happiness wisely. Simultaneously, I said yes more. Despite a Pandemic, life still moves on. You still wake up with hours that someone else prays for. You can still (safely) enjoy, you just have to adapt. Change your way of thinking.

What experiences you dive into, live fully in that moment. Embrace the adventure. Get out of your comfort zone. Despite living with restrictions I still did things that challenged me. Have you read my skydiving post yet? Or when I attempted being co-pilot on a first date. Thank youuu Wiley. Never did I think I’d get to fly a plane with my own hands. And really, I didn’t even have to leave the comfort of my home to feel challenged. I started classes for real estate and am halfway through! Online is no joke. Shout out to the kids. I feeeel you. I also designed and launched my very own website. Html coding was always something I was surprisngly really good at since I was young. It’s been so much fun teaching myself the ropes of design. Challenging, but fun. The feedback has been incredible. I hit 10,000 page views in December, and it’s truly so touching and encouraging to hear so much positive feedback. I’m really glad that in my transparency, you relate. Thank you for your support!

Lastly, Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Be kind to yourself. Nurturing to your health. Transparent of your intention. Appreciative of your opportunities. Graceful in your mistakes. You know, all the sparkly good words that are uplifting. Be that.

Fill your cup. It was a tough year, no doubt, yet instead of just staring at the cup debating if it’s half full or not, just keep filling it up. You’re never too experienced or too old. Life is static, the best you ever did is holding you back— be willing to let it go and grow. You can create, and rebuild, redevelop, and add. That’s how I see this year. It felt like a setback, but really, it was a time for us to fine tune our lives. To become more simpler. We want happiness? Well, we already have it and we didn’t even know it. In our health, our family, our loved ones. Everything else is just cherries on top you know? Instead of thinking “grander” and feeling like you always need to “top” the next feeling or experience, think addition in terms of small changes, big impact. Like I said in a previous blog, instead of thinking of starting over, think in terms of adding to your life. Because then you’re always gaining. You’re dynamic sunshine, the best you’ll ever be is waiting for you to catch up, so be willing to get uncomfortable. Be willing to change your course. Be willing to fail, fall short, and lose a lot. It’s the only way you’re ever going to understand that what’s meant for you, will find you. And when it does, cherish it.

So here’s to making the best no matter what life throws at you—In the little moments and big. Here’s to continuously growing into the best version of yourself, and living a life you’re proud of. Cheers!

With love,
L.