40 miles
I try not to think about the other trip we could have taken. I sort of put you away, deep in my heart where no one can get to. I’ve taken a few turns since we sat at that fork in the road. You have as well. I wouldn’t know where to begin if I tried to find my way back. Would you? It’s funny how you never truly see an end to a map because it continues…somewhere, some place. We sort of took ourselves here by our own demons; By our own faults. Our curiosity took us here. Timing took us here. Somehow our love took us here….
Your messages keep a light on in that dark hallway of my heart. Like an engine light popping up. Like a highway sign that sends a farewell and come visit again memo. Like that one song that plays first despite putting shuffle on. Like a birthday date popping into memory randomly as I zone out while I’m filling my gas. I fight every urge to respond because I know my map doesn’t tell me to turn around. So I tighten my seat belt, put my car into drive, and I continue on my cruise.
We haven’t been on the same road for years now.
I look at the rear-view mirror as I hit a steady speed again, thinking how happy I am for you— I am, truly. Genuinely. Equally, how happy I am for me. I believe our love could have built empires. Maybe that’s just it, perhaps the empire limited us. It kept us still… Although we thought the foundation was strong, perhaps it couldn’t weather through the harsh seasons that came upon us… So when I reflect back to that fork in the road, we both stared at each other… and without saying a thing, we knew our bags were packed for different weather— different destinations.
“To a lifetime of life & happiness… ”
I’m 30 miles in before seeing the next exit sign ahead. You’re now 40 miles ahead… I decide to take the pause.. Explore a little, take a rest, soak in the scenery. I nourish myself back to life and I feel refreshed. I feel awake, alive… I feel ready to get back onto the road again. I’m not sure how you’re feeling, but I hope you’ve taken time for yourself. I truly hope you’ve rested your body, and your mind… I hope you’ve nurtured your heart.
“It’s a long journey ahead. Destination unclear, but the scenery is worth traveling through. ”
And when we’re both ready—as golden hour softly skims the steering wheel, we’ll start both our cars again. We intentionally choose our playlist that we’ll jam to. Check for any engine lights, and all is clear. Gas is full, and we are ready to cruise. We’ll each throw our maps to the passenger seat, and continue on each of our drive— to wherever our road takes us.
To a lifetime of life & happiness…
With love,
L.