To my younger self
Turning 30 wasn’t a life shock to me. Matter of fact, I feel like I’ve been 30 for a while now. I’ve always felt like I had an older soul, mother of the group, the person a lot of my friends come to for advice… Here are a few of my thoughts on turning 30.. A few things I would tell my younger self, and some things that suddenly make sense to me.
In no particular order.
1. Being genuinely happy for others is healthy for you. I’ve learned that what happens for you, happens when it’s meant to happen for you —whether it’s love, your career, or heart break. Understanding this came for me when I started noticing the compliments of other’s. I’m not married, nor do I have children, and I am just getting into a sweet spot in my career. It’s weird for people to see me as “accomplished” because it wasn’t like that the entire way, and I still have a lot to grow into. Some years I was at my peak, and other years I felt like I was trailing behind. Everyone has their “big moment”, and when I was genuinely happy for others, I was more appreciative and understanding of my own moments. I’ve been through countless heartbreaks, and turned onto many bumpy roads. However, I’ve earned my triumphs, my successes, and my sweet spots. As did you.
2. Saying no, and meaning it. I’m a pushover, but I am a lot better now. Whether it’s a second date, or being somewhere I’m not necessarily ecstatic about. Do yourself a favor, leave the party when you’re tapped out. Don’t go on a second date if you’re not 100% interested. Say no when you’re really just not into it. There’s nothing worse than compromising your time.
“There’s nothing worse than compromising your time. ”
3. I use my social media to follow people I genuinely have an interest in, or common ground with. There’s a big difference between networking, and being that person who is everywhere. Be Intentional about the company you’re keeping. Be aware of what visions you’re putting into your subconscious. What you focus on, you attract more of in your life.
4. If you don’t go after it, you aren’t going to get it. Whether it’s a person you’re interested in, an opportunity, or a goal. Why do you think the people on Shark Tank are on there? We’ve all had ideas, they’ve just taken the initiative to move forward. Plant the seed, but water it.
5. Sexual chemistry matters. I should write a separate blog post about this. There’s nothing more fun, and attractive than being intimate with someone who you’re compatible with. It matters. Casual sex never left you feeling good. If you want more out of a relationship, delay the sex a little. Tension is sexy.
6. Make time for people who make time for you. We are ALL busy. We all have unread messages we’re responding to days later, work that consumes us during the week, and coordinating a catch up dinner for a month later because both your schedules just can’t quite line up is an accurate description of adult life. I am notorious for not responding to my messages. Balancing three jobs and maintaining any type of social life is waking up on a Monday and going to bed realizing it’s already Sunday. Life happens. I’ve learned that a few times a week, I need to literally go through all my messages, and be intentional about my responses. Follow up is equally important as saying you want to “get together.”
7. Community over competition. Networking is important. It’s a little of “who you know", but also what you bring to the table. Be a team player. Remember people’s names. Connect. In my industry, everyone knows everyone, and there’s plenty of medical aestheticians around—but, everyone brings something different. You can be in the same industry and all still thrive because of your differences.
8. Some of the best things in life are on the other side of fear. Whether it’s asking someone on a date, or skydiving. The “What if’s” hit differently. It’s OK if it doesn’t work out. You’d rather know than wonder. You learn from what you’ve experienced. All the best stories I’ve had started with fear, and ended with courage.
9. You will know if he’s interested in you. You will wonder (all the time) if he’s genuinely not. When someone shows you who they are, believe it. All of the Good, bad, and unattractive.
10. Apologize when you’re wrong, and really mean it. Admit when you’ve messed up. Own up to your actions. Also, learn to forgive. Trust your intuition. No one is perfect. I try to focus on my intentions and see where I went wrong. Communicate to people, and be honest to yourself.
11. Playing mind games is for the chase. Unless it’s salt, I hate chasing. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.
“This is real life, not chess.”
12. It’s a different type of confidence sitting at the bar alone. Solitude is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself as much as surrounding yourself with good company. I’ve met some really wonderful people sitting at the bar alone, and our conversations resonated differently and unintentionally. There’s something so attractive about being about to hold your own without regards to how other’s perceive you.
13. Good sex will have you compromising yourself. There’s nothing worse than a one sided interest. There’s also nothing worse than being intimate with someone, and feeling more alone after than you did before. Here’s my advice, if you want something long term with someone, casual sex is not the answer. Build up the tension, the sex is way better I promise you. If you’re looking for a fun night, have fun. Know the difference with your feelings. Don’t expect breakfast in the morning, if you had to really work for their attention in the first place. Also, a follow up call, is a clear indicator of what someone wants. Both parties should be adults, and communicate what they want out of said relationship.
14. You don’t have to be a five star chef, but know at least one dish that you’re proud of I’ve grown to love cooking, and it’s definitely an acquired skill that comes in waves. I’m always out trying the newest restaurants, but lock-down during quarantine reminded me how much I missed being in the kitchen. The comfort and intimacy it brings. Host more intimate gatherings. I make a mean green chili, honey spicy garlic wings, a completely made from scratch lasagna, and a Panko-crusted Salmon.
15. Have at least one cause that really resonates with you, and make it your mission to spread awareness and educate others on why. For me, mental health is a conversation I can relate to, and it’s a cause I am passionate about. Will post more in the upcoming blogs on this.
16. Be aware of your conversations. In all of my friendships, I can’t recall the last time we’ve discussed people. Something very different in your early twenties to your late twenties. Truth is, you are the company you keep. Challenge yourself and each other. Talk about things that are tough ,uncomfortable, that help educate you, or inspire you. Help each other be better. Those conversations are what matters.
17. Family. or, whoever it is that gives you a sense of home. Them above everything. Listen, and really listen. Make time to be present in these relationships. Time isn’t infinite.
18. A minimum of 8hours of sleep is mandatory these days for me. I have to plan my hangovers if I really plan on living it up. I’m a better person when I’m better to myself. Quality sleep is so important. Invest in a good bed, and pillows. Make your bed every morning. As soon as you lay down, feel the weight lift off you. You are home.
19. It’s never too late to start another career. I went back to school, added another title, passed boards again. Development in your self is important. I’ve always believed that maybe our “dream jobs” aren’t always forever. Maybe we’re different people in different times in our lives. Have multiple long term goals. Have multiple incomes. You’d be surprised how your expertise can transform your direction if you put the effort in. Go after opportunities, and open doors for yourself.
20. Solo Travel. You know how I feel about this…
21. Red lipstick. I am spicier in a red lipstick. Own one red lipstick that wears well on you. You’d be surprised how confident red lipstick can make you feel ladies.
22. Upgrade your hotel room just for you. I promise you’ll be glad you did. Wear the robe, play the music loud, and order room service. I did this in Vegas— top suite at Encore all to myself. Honestly, there’s something refreshing and fun about being alone in a room to yourself. Sometimes you just have to indulge a little.
23. Pilates, changed my life. Find what refreshes you, and make time for it. Challenge yourself. Get your heart rate up. Eat that apple a day. Also, a new set of athleisure will do miracles to your motivation level. Try a new class, and do it at least three times. You will improve.
24. Take a trip to wine country and learn about wine. Learn your notes, what you don’t like, and what you do. Learn the right pour, and how to open a bottle. Ask for a sommelier when dining out if you’re unsure what direction you want to go. Asking questions and educating yourself on what you DO like only enhances your experience. This is the gift that keeps giving every time you are dining out.
“ Asking questions and educating yourself on what you DO like only enhances your experience.”
25. Always say Hello first. Do you ever leave an interaction wishing you made a better representation of yourself? Say Hi first.. You never regret making an effort. Sometimes you don’t get a second chance to make a better first impression. Trust me.
26. Never hold back a sincere compliment, and know how to take one. Tell people when you’ve noticed them. It makes people feel good. It makes you more honest. Acknowledge when someone’s noticed you. Be genuine about your interaction. A simple compliment can really make someone’s day.
27. Finances matter. What you spend now will affect your credit later. Invest in yourself. Spend smart. Budget. Save. Cash is king, but credit conquers.
28. To do lists, and to do them in fashionable timing. I read somewhere that you’re more likely to achieve things when you write them down. You’re more apt to keep yourself in check. I use my calendar app a lot more now. Reservations, date night with friends, work, groceries, reminders, appointments, or goals. Write it somewhere and check in with yourself. Crossing things off feels so mentally rewarding. It also holds you accountable.
29. Spend more time watching the sunset, alone, or with friends, or with someone you’re interested in. I find the most genuine conversations happen at this time. It’s raw, unfiltered, and completely honest. It’s beautiful.
30. Recognize when someone is good for you, and give a lot more of your undivided time to those connections. Put your phone down, and listen. Open your heart to be vulnerable too. (I’m still learning this one)
I’d love to know some of the things you’d tell your younger self. Or maybe there’s a few above that resonate with you?
With love,
L.